After more than a week of trying, I finally got in contact with the Adoptive Parent Advocate at the agency I've picked. I wanted to ask her a few questions about how to create our profile and birth mom letter, so she sent me some instructions and told me to get started and then I can meet with her next week and see examples and show her what I have.
So, when a birth mom is trying to decide on an adoptive family, the agency sends her 3 or 4 of these "profiles" from different adoptive families and she picks ones (or not, in which case they'd send her more to look at, I guess.) It's basically a very short scrapbook of your family, along with a letter to the birth mom letting her know how important she is to you and all that. And then she can keep this profile forever as a momento of some sort. Apparently some birth moms even share this profile with friends and family.
As I was reading the instructions, and ideas on different parts of your life you can share, I was thinking of ideas: what to say, what pictures to use. And suddenly I was having a panic attack! WAY worse than just butterflies-in-the-stomach, I felt like someone was squeezing my lungs and I was honest-to-goodness PANICKING. Of course, I felt retarded and didn't know what to make of it, and we were trying to watch So You Think You Can Dance, so I didn't say anything about it. I kept thinking it would go away. AND THEN I started thinking: Am I doing the right thing? Was I really not ready to turn in my application? Are we ready to have kids? Am I not supposed to have kids at all? Can we even afford this?
DO ALL MOMS DO THIS??? It was ridiculous! So I soothed my panicky mind by shopping online. Not really shopping, registering. For baby stuff. It is the most wonderful invention ever. By morning, I was done with the panick attack, but a few obsessive thoughts still remain:
What in the world do you even say to the birth mother??? It's not like you even have one specific one to write something to, you're just writing this blanket letter that maybe 10 different birth mothers will read, so it really can't be personalized, right? And exactly how much do you disclose? What if no birth moms pick us?!?!? What if everyone else makes a cuter profile and ours is ugly in comparison?
This is ridiculous, I know. I would never say that childbirth would be easier than this, but at least with a 7 pound baby inside you and wanting out, you CAN'T possibly back out at the last minute....panick attack or not!
3 comments:
I defiantly had many panic attacks with both my pregnancies, but like you said, it's kinda like there is nothing I could do about it. The road is going to be long and hard for you, but you have to think of that new baby that is meant to be in your family. I know you will be great parents and you have to do this in order to be parents! So don't be scared! In the letter, you can talk about how you and frank met, your personalities, your views on parenting, religion, having an open adoption, hobbies, anything so the mom can see what type of family her baby will be in. My sister-in law adopted and they are trying to adopt another. This is her profile. http://www.providentliving.org/ses/birthmother/viewsingleprofile/0,12272,2133-1-9751-1-1,00.html
ashley!!!!!
i love that you are blogging... i kinda just started i am so excited that you guys are adopting, my best friend here in MI has three kids all adopted, if you go to my blog she is on the side bar under hot mammas her name is syd, in fact they just recently adopted baby Cooper, talk about an adorable little black baby! you are gonna want to bite his dimpled cheeks!!! Syd says that once the paperwork is in that you are "expecting" just like everyone else.... ps i also have a box of christmas presents that i bought for last year...i will be rolling them over to this year(nobody wants a christmas ornament in July!)
love ya!
~selina
HI ASHLEY!!
I am so excited!!!! You can do this!! You probably have already started or finished your letter, but I wanted to share my thoughts. I think you should be as honest as you can. Share your fears and feelings that your having. They will want to see the real you. Anybody can make believe who they are, but stories and feelings make you real and true. They will want to know they can trust their decision. You really can do this! Everyone back home would agree with me that you were ready since you were a beehive. You were always holding a baby or wanting to hold one in church. Yeah, it isn't easy, I could share a few stories that might make you panic again, but IT IS SO WORTH IT!!! Just jump!!
Love you. Look forward to hearing more updates. Leanne
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